“God, you’re such a flirt.” One of my  friends scolded me and rolled her eyes. I sipped my beer and glanced over at the girl I had just been talking to. She smiled at me. Sh*t, was I flirting with her. I hadn’t meant to, I just recognized her from a 5k race and struck up a conversation. Did that classify as me hitting on her? At this point, I’m not sure where being nice ends and flirting begins, whiich…this must be why I’m always being called a flirt.

Being Nice Doesn’t mean I’m hitting on you

That wasn’t the first time I’ve been accused of coming onto a girl. All throughout high school and college, my friends have always teased me about how I’m too nice for my own  good. On multiple occasions, girls have thought I’m interested in them (just because I was nice to them), which always leads to that awkward  I-just-not-into-you conversation. I wonder if I’m naturally flirty. I simply am unaware that I lead girls on and that is not my intention. Am I destined to a life of miscommunication and denying dates?

Nope.

I’m just nice.

Shouldn’t be too hard to comprehend, right? I’m just a nice guy and I’m naturally friendly. I’ll strike up a conversation with a stranger and try to treat people with kindness. I like to laugh and I enjoy people’s company. This shouldn’t be a problem, but for some reason, a casual conversation at a track meet or a random supermarket hello gets misconstrued.        This usually ends up with me looking like an a*hole for “leading someone on.” What gives?

I treat people with kindness.

I think it comes down to all the mixed messages and inconsistent signals the times we are in #Metoo is known for. You’re more likely to come across as a guy who’s playing hard to get and a girl who never smiles back than someone who’s just trying to be nice, without a romantic agenda. No wonder people mistake niceness for flirtation. No one’s used to it.

After being labeled a flirt for so many years, I’ve learned that sometimes I have to be direct about my feelings early on. Now if I like a girl – and I’m actually coming onto her – I make it very obvious from the beginning. (A simple, “hey I like you, let’s hang out” usually does the trick). So girls, just because I’m nice to you, don’t assume I’m into you. I promise you will know if I actually am. For everyone else, let’s just be nice for niceness’s sake. Sometimes we can just be friendly and not flirty.

What do you think about being friendly these days especially with the #MeTo society?  Does this happen to you? Or, do you not say anything keeping your mouth closed to then think your stuck-up? Add your comments telling me what you think.