Me, Myself, and My Intensity
In leading myself and holding myself accountable to a personal set of values, beliefs and goals to acting with integrity, clarity, and courage when know one else is looking, is a three-part recipe for my success. It takes a focused intensity to contribution to obe’s self, your team or organization. It’s an ability to help engineer a better decision, a better outcome, for all. It takes grit! It takes determination, perseverance, fortitude, and endurance dovetailed with patience and self-control and mostly kindness to others and myself.
Ironically, the decision making acumen that can benefits myself and so many others, first and foremost should benefit myself..
My self-leadership, my understanding of who I am, what I want and what I am being called to do, creates the firm foundation I need to take action and make decisions with confidence, even (and especially) during periods of great uncertainty.
I spent a lot of time intro-spective. Taking a personal inventory of who I am and what I want in life and in life, community, business, relationships, and personal relationships.
Let me be honest. I find myrself alone more often than not, it might be because of my deep and intense personality traits.
Sure, people love complexity in theory, but in action, i can be really intimidating to other people.
I believe this is especially true of me in times 9f needed-results or mission-critical.
That’s not a bad thing though – being a deep man I am willing to be myself and turn back around to help others.
1) I ask too many questions
Because I like to understand things at a deeper level, I am naturally curious. I like to ask questions to get clarity to the heart of a problem, feeling, thought, or event. To gain a deeper knowledge about who you are (your values and beliefs) and what you want (your goals and objectives). In other words, self-awareness.
I like to get to know people on a more personal level and i do that by asking questions.
I don’t get too offended if people don’t want to answer my questions though, most people can be uneasy about such a deep knowledge seeker.
2.) I am brutally honest
When it comes down to it, I don’t have time to waste beating around the bush. It’s why people both love and hate me.
I don’t often bother to sugar coat things, and see my honesty as a positive trait about me.
Don’t worry, it is, but many people are not going to like it when I tell it like it is, especially if it’s a hard truth about themselves they don’t want to admit.
3.) I know what I want
Knowing what I want means I can get to work faster. This means that people will be always in my dust. Taking action (not just thinking about it) in a manner that is consistent with those beliefs and values.
When I speak my mind I am capable of achieving those goals and that makes people pretty uncomfortable; especially when they are comparing themselves to me and my amazing self.
4) I want meaningful relationships
As a person with a deep personality, I expect others to give as I give, but I soon become disappointed when I find that many people are only “deep” on the surface” and that it is difficult for people to keep up the ruse over time.
The pre-requisite of integrity; a willingness to sacrifice your own personal well-being in order to act in a way that is true to your beliefs and values.
I know it when a good relationship comes along because it won’t feel forced and I feel like I can be myself
5) I am not afraid of intimacy
I want to share my life with others, businesses, community, with those who understands me at my deepest core. That can be hard – see above. If not, that’s ok. I get it. Its there lise and I move on.
But it doesn’t mean that I will never find it. Instead, I value family and friendships at a deeper level to satisfy my need for a deeper understanding and level of intimacy with those around me.
6) I can see through people
Because I am in touch with myself, i am better able to spot the frauds in the room.
It’s hard for people to pull one over on me because I can tell when someone is being insincere.
This is intimidating for people because let’s face it, we are all putting on some kind of a show all the time.
7) I like consistency
My deep personality requires some maintenance and that means that I don’t like surprises. I expect people to do what they said they would do, and I always deliver on my promises in return.
When someone rocks the boat, it can be hard for my emotional thought process to handle, and that means that I need longer to deal with life’s problems.
But that’s okay, it also means I get to spend more time working through things that others would just glaze over.
8) I am intense
There’s only one way to slice this loaf of bread: I am too intense for some people. I love life and I love living life to the fullest.
It gives me great meaning and pleasure to get as much as I can out of every aspect of my life. That means that some people are going to take a step to the left when I blow through their world, but that’s okay. I got this.
9) I don’t wait around for people
My deep personality allows me to be friends with myself and understand what I need from relationships.
This means that I don’t waste time on people who don’t get me and I won’t wait around for someone to realize my awesomeness. I have more important things to do.
10) My life isn’t fear driven
Every human being experiences fear. For some people, it can stop them from living a full life.
But I’m different.
Fear is just another annoying emotion I’ve chosen to accept and move on from.
I understand that I will undoubtedly experience fear when I try something new, but I also know that trying new things is what makes life fun and rewarding.
My ability to achieve subsequent leadership milestones: learning to lead others and learning to lead an organization or community requires me to first be willing and able to lead myself.
In that vein, here are a few questions that will help drive greater clarity and insight about who I am– and what I really want. I like to read these often to keep on track.
“it’s like the George Bailey question in “It’s A Wonderful Life.”
Bailey, if you recall from the film, fell upon hard times and came to believe that he didn’t matter; that no one would miss him if he were gone. Following some “angelic” intervention, he came to realize that he did in fact matter and that his very presence made the world a better place.
Like George Bailey, every leader may, at some point, ask: “Is this worth it? Does it matter? Do I matter?”
When I find myself at such a crisis of confidence, I use this question to help me regain my perspective, and my courage. Specifically, I make a list of the many ways in which the world would be less well off if I didn’t exist and celebrate my impact
Too often leaders obsess about the 5% that isn’t going well and ignore the 95% that is. I don’t do that. I keep George in mind whenever you’re feeling stretched thin.
2. What Is Something That’s True, That Almost Nobody Agrees With Me On?
This is a favorite interview question of PayPal founder, Peter Thiel.
This question, writes Thiel, tests for both “originality” and “courage” (i.e. will the persona being interviewed really share something that the interviewer/organization might not agree with them on?!).
But it is from this type of independent thinking, that great ideas are born.
One example: AirBnB.
Back in 2008, the founders of AirBnB were fresh college graduates with a radical idea: a homeowner would be willing to rent out a bedroom in her home to a person whom she had never met
Honestly, I still can’t believe this worked – but of course it did! Today, the practice is rent out rooms is common and AirBnB is a multi-billion dollar company.
In some ways, Thiel’s interview question is the “litmus test” of leadership – a question that differentiates true leaders, from their closely related peers: managers.
In a world where everything is known and certain, managers make things happen – executing well within existing systems and processes.
In a world characterized by uncertainty, leaders make decisions – conceiving of the ideas, processes and systems we need to move forward.
No doubt this question is a hard one, but don’t dismiss it.
With time and focus you will begin to see your own original thinking emerge and, as a result, your leadership effectiveness improve.
3. What Is Life Asking Of Me?
This question comes from columnist David Brooks who writes:
“Wonderful people are made, not born…but [they] do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? Instead, they ask: What is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the world’s deep needs?”
What is life asking of you?
What are your responsibilities, your obligations, given the gifts you have been endowed with?
Like the question above, this is not an easy one to answer – but that is precisely why it’s so valuable.
The leader that takes the time to better understand not just what they want to do, but what they are being called to do stands a better chance of finding the energy, motivation and will to make it happen
After all, growth only happens when I escape my comfort zone. Now, are you still interested in me? If so, say “Hi”. If not, it’s okay. Good luck!!!
You can reach me directly at my email address anthony@anthonycrilly.com or (585)484 – 1456. Looking forward to connecting!
Best,
Anthony Crilly
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